Die Trying, or Just Die

When I found out that I would have all of last year's 6th graders in band and all of the current 6th grade class in one band class, I knew one thing was certain.

I was either going to die trying to get them somewhere, or, just die.

It's my fault, really. I tricked them into thinking they had to be in band. I told the secretary, who was partially in charge of arranging the school's schedule of classes, that I wanted her to put everyone in band. That way I'd get a chance to build the program. I'd increase my numbers, get a chance to work on the kids another year, and hopefully capture plenty of them before they decided they weren't going to do it any more because of being in high school, or sports, or wanting to play video games, or tired of the high expectations. Or whatever.

I wanted this. So It's MY fault I'm about to cry.

Right now I'm leaning toward the "just die" end of the spectrum. Forget "die trying. "

The classes are slipping out of control. Everyone was kind of on their best behavior the first few days of class and I thought, oh well, the classes are huge but it won't be bad. But yesterday I had a somewhat negative day with my 7-8th graders. Today was worse. I wanted so badly for it to go well and be positive. I reminded them of expectations. I told them how they could earn points for their party.

One of the ways was bringing me a box of kleenex and someone did.

But the real way they need to be earning points is staying quiet while I'm talking, and they don't. They have to stay quiet when we finish playing a piece. They don't. They have to pick up the room before they leave. They don't. They have to get through a class period without knocking anything over. They don't. They have to get quiet when I ask them to in 5 seconds or less. They don't. They have to be ready to play when I ask them to. They aren't.

They can't seem to get themselves together long enough to earn a SINGLE freaking point. Other than the box of kleenex, which is coming in real handy right now.

I just finished printing rosters with names and phone numbers on them. I will be starting to call parents. I just have to be prepared for them to say, "my kid hates band!" And then to explain why. That they hate band because they hate having to stop talking long enough to show some discipline and focus.

I really really wanted to be able to start calling parents to say, "your kid is showing real leadership. They are living up to expectations. They are doing a great job helping their neighbors and being ready when asked. They know their notes."

But I just can't, right now.

There are definitely some kids that sit quietly and do what they're told, or don't know what they're doing so they sit quietly. I regret that I can't devote more time and energy to them. But the rest of the class is just screwing themselves up. It's at the point where they are seeing me get frustrated.

Hah! We made Miss get red in the face!!! We made her voice crack!

Some kids should be left the heck behind.

Ok. Now that I've reached that low point, I will gather the shreds of my sanity and attempt to put them back together into something resembling a functioning human teacher. Someone who can actually write decent lesson plans and see if we can get the classes into sectionals, which will hopefully help.

Today, I'm going to die trying.